Getting things back together. And an awesomely stupid crash.

Hello again friends. I know. I'm so inconsistent. I'm working on it. Finally went back to Aikido last Wednesday. Damn it felt good to be in the dojo again. It's been almost two years since I'd been on the mats and I've missed it the whole time but life must be dealt with and some things must suffer sometimes. I've been through a lot since then but I'm getting back on track and slowly building my focus. I will not be taking a hiatus from Aikido like that again any time soon. Along with school that is another focus of mine. Next targets are my writing and getting my money earning capabilities sharp. This job shit is just not going to cut it for much longer.

Anyways, I wanted to write about my day today, well, yesterday. Sunday morning. Woke up to a rather heated disagreement with my lady, whom will be referred to as Pixie from now on. She went to work and I just tried to calm myself and chill. She calls after a while. She forgot her socks and could I please bring them. Yup, no problem. She doesn't work that far from where we live, so, I decide to ride over there on her bike. Her bike is better than mine, lighter, faster, and more expensive. Riding downhill I let my concentration wander. How, were you wondering? WELL! Let me tell you. I realized that the volume was too low on my Zune and decided to turn it up. I looked down for only a second but that's all it takes. I looked up at the coming intersection and saw the light was yellow and realized I should slow down before I got there. This was an intelligent decision since I was moving fast and couldn't tell if there were cars waiting at the opposing lights. However, this super-efficient bike I was on was way more responsive than my way cheaper and much heavier mountain bike. So, I hit the brake for the rear tire and it starts to slew sideways, the bike begins to shake and wobble. My brain says, "Hey stupid, put your other hand on the fucking handle bars and control this shit!" But see, even though that was another very intelligent decision it also came a bit too late. I was really coasting, downhill remember, and by the time my Zune filled hand barely touched the handle bar it was already way too late. So, with this super-efficient, speedy, and expensive machine wobbling exponentially out of control between my legs, I try and control the fall somehow. We will now defer to my brain's take on the resulting event(The speed of thought is an amazing thing.): "You dumb fuck. Oh shit. We're going down. This shit is going to hurt bad. REALLY BAD!! Try not to get tangled in the bike. I can't jump clear. Oh shit, I'm going to hit that car. Turn the wheel, damnit, don't hit the car with the wheel dead on! Goodohshitthisisgonna..." BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Aaaauuuggghh...." Then I laugh hysterically at myself as several witnesses to my colossal fuck up ask me if I'm okay. I hit that car hard. I tell them all, "Yeah, I'm alright," and I look to make sure I didn't damage the car, then check the bike, then feel the pain. Jacked up my left knee and my whole upper left torso, which is unfortunately an area that has been previously damaged rather seriously. However, self assessment revealed that I wasn't broken, so, I composed myself, just a tad bit shaken, and continue on my delivery of socks.

Delivery made, Pixie happy, I make my way home. Shower, clean and patch my knee and make my way to Aikido!! I still went for two reasons. 1: I said I would make it and I honor my word. Sunday's are a relatively new addition to the schedule and attendance is the determiner of Sunday classes. 2: I have just rededicated myself to the pursuit of Aikido and nothing is getting in the way of that. Not even very recent minor injuries. The only pain I felt was my knee, because it really did get hurt. I think the pedal rammed against it, or more accurately my knee jammed against the pedal and tore it up a bit. But aside from that, class was awesome. The two black belts there, Steve and Jesse, did me the honor of going over all of the basic moves I learned so long ago and a few more that would most likely show up on my next test. I was immensely humbled and pleased. I really like Aikido.

My knee is sore and my left shoulder and down the back on my left side is not quite killing me but it hurts. I'm good though. Aikido tonight. I'll be ready. That was most of my day. Met Pixie as she got off work, we went home, talked, I crashed, she made dinner and woke me up in time to eat and go to work. I like my life. It could be better and it will be but it really could be a lot worse. Enjoy your life my friends. This one my be your best.

LAterz.

People of Action

It seems to me that very few people are people of action. The majority of people in this world are not people of action but they rely on people of action to make their worlds safe and orderly. But once order has been maintained after a while these non-action people turn on the persons of action that helped balance their world.

I know I had just read or heard something that sparked this thought but I cannot remember what exactly it was. However, I do remember the perfect example of this thought. The experience of U.S. Marshall Wyatt Earp. Dodge City was a hell-hole and he cleaned that place up. Twice! People of non-action have very short memories. Wyatt Earp went into Dodge City and took care of the criminal elements and maintained law and order. NO COMPROMISES! To quote a character from a very good movie, Batman Begins, "Criminals thrive on the indulgence of society's understanding." I'm fairly certain way back in Wyatt's time he understood that and tolerated nothing that was against the law. Perfect example of a man of action. However, the populace he was tasked to protect was comprised of non-action people and they are usually very tolerant. They became distrustful of the man they tasked to keep them safe and turned on him, so he left, leaving his more affable but less intense friend to take care of Dodge. Not long after, that friend was shot and Dodge reverted to a lawless city once again. Them damn people begged Wyatt to come back, which he did and cleaned the damned place up once again. Don't get me wrong, I understand the need for tolerance and compassion but in some things there is just no compromise. If Wyatt had no compassion or tolerance he would have never went back to Dodge or became a US Marshall for that matter. You have to care about people to want to keep them safe.

For those who want to know what I'm talking about see the excellent film Wyatt Earp, starring Kevin Costner.

I think if more people learned to act, for instance learned so form of martial art, then there would be less tolerance for criminality as a whole. Learning how to defend oneself is a catalyst to not tolerating negative aggression towards self and the community in which one lives.

Adrenaline Rush

Now this looks like fun. I always wanted to go skydiving and now I have something else to move towards. I like mountain hiking/climbing so that's not a problem for me either. Yeah, I can do this. Would you?

Check out this video: Speed Riding

Wow. Sick.

Further proof we really live in a sick, sick country.

Down to the line

I feel the need to reiterate that shit is real in the battlefield. I've mentioned several times how things are going to get dirty the closer we get to this election. I'll refer ya'll to this article from The Root. Especially interesting to me, on the second page of the article, was the mention of what some republican officials are trying to do in texas. Old and new tricks, people. Old and new. The civil war was not really that long ago and the whites that ran the south, through the generations, still run the south and they still mad as hell down there.Throughout the country whole country really but especially down there. Oh yeah, and don't forget about those neo-nazi idiots that got caught with their murder plot. These idiots planned on killing a lot of Black folks just because. Now, at least these morons knew they weren't going to get Obama. But they were still gonna try anyway. I mean, really. And you have a whole lot of people saying racism and prejudice is no longer a problem in this country. Riiiiiiiight! Tell that to the Jena 6, Sean Bell and his two friends, the kids in the HBCU's in texas, and to the people of Tenn. where these skinhead morons planned to begin their little killing spree.

It must be said, watch your backs Black people. Watch your damn backs. You do not know WHO is gonna come out of the blue and try to do something to you in these times right now. I'm paranoid so I watch my back at all times anyway but for now, shit is real in the battlefield for my Black folks right now and in the coming months or years. They scared of us and will try and hurt us because of that fear. WATCH YOUR BACKS! And really all open Obama supporters who aren't Black should watch out, too, 'cuz ya'll will get it from your own for supporting a Black man. So sad.

And I'm out.

Community

A few weeks ago I went to visit my Niece, Naziya. She's 3 months old. Beautiful baby. But that's not what I'm writing about right now. I usually take the bus run by a Chinese company based downtown in Chinatown. There are a lot of those companies down there going many places. Now I went down early because I wanted to make sure I got a seat. It was a holiday weekend and lots of people travel around holiday's no matter what it is as long as it's an extra day off from work. Anyways, since I was mad early I decided to walk around, see what I could find. I have an affinity for Asian cultures. Not the common American surface fixation but a genuine interest. Well I was actually hungry and was walking around to see if I could find a restaurant I thought I would like. Well I was caught off guard just a little and mildly amused as I caught sight of a Popeye's chicken off in the distance. It was really interesting because not only did it have it's sign in english on the building but also in Chinese character's. I thought that was rather cool. I wished my friend David had been there, he could have given me the literal translation of the characters. Well, I passed it by and continued to walk around 'cause I was of the opinion, "I'm in Chinatown. Why would I get Popeye's chicken for?" But I was intrigued and after not really seeing whatever I was looking for I doubled back and wound up in the Popeye's. I'd like to mention that I wasn't surprised at the fact that there was a Popeye's in Chinatown I just didn't see it coming. I know that Asian people like all the same bullshit fast food and stuff that we do. I've been to a Mickey D's, a Burger King, and an Outback Steakhouse in South Korea, so there's certain American ignorances that I don't adhere to. So, again, I was mildly amused at the sight of a bunch of Chinese people chowing down on fried chicken, like I was down south at a barbecue, as I walked in. But what really struck me was what I saw behind the counter. All young Asian boys and girls working. I'd gotten so used to seeing older folks working at the fast food restaurants I've been to around this country, that seeing ALL young people was rather striking. (I've always thought that people over about 30-35 working the counter in fast food as rather sad. If you're the manager or something cool but just working there? Sad. I understand it might be necessary but it's still sad.) Anyways, I had a eureka moment. This is what having a strong sense of community is about. Let's be honest, working fast food is a low level job. Older adults should not be working low level jobs like that. The youth of the community work those jobs to learn the responsibility of working. The adults of the community work the upper level jobs and acquire and maintain land and property to maintain the community and provide those low level jobs for their youth. And so the cycle goes on. This only works when there is a collective sense of community, which most Asian people have. Asians, Jews, white americans, native Africans, and other ethnicities have this. Black americans used to and lost it as soon as we integrated with white americans. Don't get it twisted, I'm not blaming white people, I'm blaming Black people. Black people let their communities go in order to better fit in with whites.

Now here's what the major problem is. The big difference between Black americans and everyone else is, everyone else has a direct link to an ancestral home. They have a strong connection to a homeland and teach their children about that homeland in various ways. Black americans have been completely cut of from their ancestral home, Africa. Our ancestors weren't immigrants, they were brought here in bondage. If you look at it directly Black americans are actually the real embodiment of what an american is. Our whole cultural make up was completely constructed in this land. I don't include the Natives of this land, who are also part of my ancestry which I'm learning more about now, because they were here first and whites came and dominated and made up america. Made this shit up! There are many Tribal Nations that do not consider themselves americans, rightfully so I think. So, yeah, Black americans had to start from scratch just like european immigrants started this country from scratch. It's almost funny, I just reread that last sentence and realized they stole a people and a seperate land at the same time, wiped them as clean as they could and rebuilt them. Wow.

Wow, didn't really want to go that deep at this time. I was just very aware of the sense of community from a trip to a Popeye's in Chinatown and thought that experience was worth sharing. I'll get more into the other stuff another time.

Interesting

Some very interesting and need to know info I read over on The Root. They're all blogs not articles so it won't take long to read them. Check 'em out.

One on a very good and rather important movie adaptation called Towelhead. I'd heard of this book a while ago and planned to read it. Still do, but I'm going to go see it first. Hey, I read a lot of shit and I've recently expanded what my core reading is so my reading life is hectic right now.

Next, a wake up call for black conspiracy theorists.

And finally one of the most rational insights on the current political situation. I have been saying this for quite a while. The surface is cute and all that BUT this country's heart is a sickly rotten thing that needs to perish so a new one can be put in. But it's clinging to life with the strength of the dead, which is not weak by any means.

Hey, look...

I'm not sure about this country. I need Obama to win the damn election. If he doesn't I will be seriously working towards moving out of this country. I know Obama is not a miracle worker. He won't be able to change too much in one term but his being president will show that this country is actually ready to work on change. I'm not talking about the political/governmental changes he talks of in his campaign but the psychological and social aspects of HIM (Black man) being PRESIDENT (Leader) of this country, the u.s. of a. I mean, he IS qualified! If he wasn't I wouldn't want him in. I'm not stupid (maybe YOU are). Can't wait to see.

Random Ignorance

Well, I had quite an experience on my train ride to work tonight. Something I had been expecting to happen but hoped wouldn't in my presence happened tonight. I'd been meaning to blog about my current dislike for Yankee games. Mostly Yankee fans. I live not far from Yankee stadium and I work nights, so, on my way to work I run into this zoo of fans, majority white, who live nowhere near the stadium, on the nights the Yankees play. It is highly annoying to wade through and with this mob of people who are completely oblivious to the environment in which they find themselves. The pure arrogance many of these people have would astound me if I hadn't already been witness to it before. It is not a purely white persons conceit but an american conceit that all is right with the world and nothing is going to happen. It just so happens that my current examples of this overwhelming arrogance happen to be white americans. The most glaring example of this arrogance is most of these people make their way to the stadium with absolutely no thought or plan whatsoever how to get back to where they came from. I see these people on the train trying to read the map or asking strangers about stops and directions and it baffles me. Where are these people from?! Maybe I'm just a paranoid, cynical city New Yorker but that level of stupidity and softness just bothers me. I'm a civilized human being and I'm all for helping anyone, no matter their ethnicity. I believe the world SHOULD be safe any and everywhere. But I know it's NOT! Period. It just isn't. And that's not to say that anything will happen or that the Bronx is a dangerous place, but it's not the suburbs by any stretch and shit happens. Shit can happen anywhere. And awareness of one's surroundings should be a given but it's not. Which also leads to dumb reasoning, as I witnessed tonight. Here we have a bunch of white people and a few Black people and some hispanics sprinkled here and there (this IS the Bronx). NOW, a young twenty something white dude decides to engage a slightly older Black dude, with kids, in conversation. I, being who I is, am not paying full attention to them but my environmental awareness is aware of what's going on. I couldn't give you any details of what they were talking about just that they were talking and as I was reading the pitch and tone of the conversation began to steadily rise. SO, when the Black dude begins to yell at the white dude, I am spectacularly not surprised. From what I gathered from the Black guys ramblings, the young white dude got a little too familiar in his speech, which is understandable, at least to me. My reaction would have been quite a bit less bombastic but there would have been one. Anyways, the young white guy stands there for like 6 or 7 minutes before he finally decides to walk away before it escalates to the physical, which it was really gearing up to. His companions had already moved away from the circle of confrontation, so he was really on his own, which I found rather amusing and interesting. Most non-white folks would NOT leave one of their friends by themselves in a confrontation. But that's another convo. Anyway, it was just annoying that it took that nimrod so long to decide to walk the fuck away. He obviously wasn't going to calm down this ghetto ass Black man, so, let it go. The young lady sitting right in front of me, who happened to be white, agreed with me when I mentioned he should have walked away, like, 5 minutes ago. And I refer to the Black man as ghetto, not because of the way he was dressed, but because of the manner of his speech and speech pattern. He kept referring to the young white guy he was upset with as nigga. Are you serious?! Yes. And because he was highly agitated that word among many, many others flew from his lips numerously with abandon. I have know idea what made that white boy think he could have a conversation with this Black dude from the street. Don't get me wrong. People should be able to talk to people know matter what. I get that. But our current society doesn't operate on what should be. And, yeah, the only way to effect change is to act but this was NOT the proper time to effect change. This and what follows is what I meant by dumb reasoning. Based on more of what the black guy was yelling, it seems what set him off was the white guy using the words, "I'll kill you," somewhere in the conversation. WHAT THE FUCK was this little lilly white boy thinking?! Are you serious?! Those are just words you don't use with a stranger, even in jest, or implied comedy. Especially with a Black guy, YOU DON'T KNOW, who is obviously not from your particular culture. Pure stupidity. And though the Black guy was HIGHLY annoying to everyone on the train car, those who were on that side of the train that heard the convo were obviously on his side, which did surprise me because most of them were, as mentioned in the beginning, white. But you could just tell that they ALL thought the young white guy was a fucking idiot (Though mostly I think they thought he was an idiot for even trying to have the conversation in the first place). Also, can you believe this young moron, even though he walked away and wasn't that far away, had the nerve to be talking shit and making stupid remarks to his friends, some in response to the ravings of the guy who he just upset. Now I could hear him and if that Black guy wasn't so upset and being loud HE would have heard him and that would've been a problem, 'cause that little idiot wasn't standing too far behind me. I swear I almost got up and punched him in his damn mouth on GP. But I felt the need to represent the obvious (civilized Black man). But, OH MY GOD, I wanted to hit that idiot. I felt sorry for that Black dudes kids, though. They did not need to see their father acting like a wild ass ghetto fool. Our children need to learn a better way than wild recklessness as problem solving. Oh well. A hell of a night to forget my damn ipod shuffle.

Veronica Pt.1

(H.S. pic)

I miss her. Terribly. Remembering 9/11 from reading my man Dave's Blog, I naturally thought of V. We were together when the sad events of that day transpired. My thoughts always in some way return to Veronica. Not always do those thoughts bring tears. At least not anymore. Except they did this early, early morning. Maybe it's just because I'm tired or I'm just really missing her. (It AIN'T because of 9/11. That no longer holds really strong emotions for me. Everyone I personally knew was safe. Aside from the fact that NY is home, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later.) But, Veronica. I still hold really strong emotions for Veronica. She died of complications with her sickle cell anemia. She passed to her new path last year, May 27. (Damn, I didn't want to cry while writing this!) I met V in 1998. I had been in Southern Cali for almost a year. I worked with her sister, J (who was/still is Hella FINE!), and actually asked J out. We went on a date. Blow to my ego, taking her back home, she informed me I was a bit too young for her (guess she realized I was mature enough to handle that info right away, which I was and did)but I would be perfect for her little sister Veronica. I realize now, all these years later, that most peoples reactions would have been negative, at least in their heads. Like, YEAH RIGHT, THANKS! But I didn't. We'd really talked to each other and vibed so well, just like she felt comfortable letting me down in MY car, right after OUR date, I trusted she wouldn't hook me up if she didn't think it would work. Plus, she told me her sister looked like her. And she wasn't lying. I actually thought, upon meeting my lady love, she looks BETTER than J, which was, of course, MY good fortune. But I'm getting ahead of myself. So, I think it was like a week later I met V at her sister's house. Well, we had talked on the phone a few times before we met. J gave her my number and told her to call me. Anyways, I get to J's house and I meet the woman my heart always belonged to. Little did I know that this night would be the first of many firsts for V. I'm old school, gentleman, courting style,so, naturally, I bring a rose for my date. No one had EVER bought her flowers before. SO, LIKE, I'm really ahead of the game before I even get started right. (I did not know this info until much later. J purposely did not tell me much about her sister so that our possible union would be true and not prevaricated in any way. She just set us up and that's it.I still love her for that!) Basically from that first date until a few years later Veronica and I were inseparable. I'm pretty sure it was only like a week after that first date that she was packing overnight bags and staying at my place most nights. Three months after that first date she moved in with me. I'ma end this post here 'cause I'm gotta go. I won't break this up into too many parts, though. Didn't mean to in the first place but sometime the tale writes itself the way it want. Haven't written about this in a while. Guess it needs to come out longer and clearer. More later. I MISS HER.

(We took this not long after we were together. Just came back from a Renaissance Faire. We looked so good together. I'll post more pics of us, you'll see.)


(Her first modeling comp. card. I added the text at the bottom at her passing.)

A gift I possess

I have a very special gift. I do NOT abuse this gift. It is rare and to be treated with the utmost respect. And I'm really, really honored that my higher power has chosen me to harness this particular gift. Oh yeah, the gift: I have an uncanny rapport with very young children. Especially little girls. See why I wrote that second sentence. Every once in a while, actually quite often, I am reminded of my gift. Mostly because I live in a big city and always, always, always find some child, usually a little girl, blatantly STARING at me. Never fails, wherever I go. Specific reminder of my gift: Yesterday morning I'm going down the stairs into the subway after work. There's this lady going up carrying a stroller with a baby in it. Her very young daughter is climbing the stairs by herself. Very, very slowly. She couldn't have been more than four. I'd bet money that little girl was only like barely three. Her mom is at the top and she's barely halfway up. There's another lady waiting to go up because she has a stroller, too, and can't go around the little girl. Now my natural instinct is to help. How? Well, pick the kid up and carry her swiftly to her mother. However, like I mentioned, I do NOT abuse my gift. I realize children are people and deserve to be treated as such. So, instead of touching the little lady, I look up at her mother and as she puts down her load, I ask her if she'd like me to carry her daughter up to her. She replies, "If she'll let you," which I, of course, thought was a wonderful response. So I bend over so the little one can see my face and I quickly ask her if she'd like me to carry her up to her mother. Without a moments hesitation at all she replies, "yes," while simultaneously nodding her head. SO, I put my hands under her arms and lift her quickly to her waiting mother, who is standing there eyes wide, open mouthed, in surprise and mild shock. As I put the child down with a quick, "There you go," her mother says, "She never lets ANYONE touch her." I just smile, give them a wave and head back down on my merry way. That shit made my day. Confirmed my gift is still in full effect. That is not the first time a parent has said those words, or a variant thereof, to me. I've heard that more times than I can count. Children like me. That's good. Most of them have a more than decent sense of people and act accordingly. Usually. My favorite memory of my gift (this current one is in my top five right now) was right after I got to my first base when I was in the military. Guy I had just met in my office, Arturo, takes it upon himself to show me around and basically take me under his wing (I realize my gift applies to adults to). It was only my second day there and he brings me to his house for dinner. (Just met me!) He had a wonderful wife and two of the most beautiful and fun kids I had ever met, Arielle and Aric. They were little. I think Arielle was like maybe three or almost four and Aric was barely one. From the moment I walk in the door his kids and I are playing like I've known them all of their young lives. Not only that but they listen to me when I tell them to do or stop doing something. Now, me being who I am, didn't think anything of it. Was just natural for me. Arturo and his wife on the other hand had been watching in AMAZEMENT the whole time I was there. Art told me the next day at work that he had NEVER seen his children react to ANYONE like that before. EVER! There was a friend of Art's that worked in the same office that did know his kids their whole lives and it took a long time for them to get used to him! And because he was their father's friend they called him uncle. But it took a long time. With me it was instantaneous. That was the first time I realized that I had a real gift. I always was aware of it but just not as a gift until Arturo spoke with me. Naturally I do not tolerate anyone treating children bad at all. All pedophiles need to be executed and removed from the gene pool. Period. I'm not god or judge, jury, executioner but that's something that's just plain evil. I actually wrote an essay about that for an english class. Maybe I'll post it. Harm a kid in my presence and it might be a real problem! I take my gift VERY seriously!

Charmed life

For some reason,at times, I seem to come across information I need ahead of time. Like I came across that webpage about Martin Luther King Jr. the other day that I posted about. Now, today(last night really) I started a new class and the instructor asked a question about MLK that I was able to answer quite officiously because I had JUST read about the info the day before. It was info I already knew but the way the instructor asked the question I might not have pulled the answer out of my head as quickly if I hadn't JUST been reading about it. This type of thing has happened to me periodically throughout my life. I come across some new info or old info is refreshed right before I need it. I guess it's nothing that major for anyone else but it's a self observation I've come to note. And I'm major to me. I'm sure I'll blog more on how I know I have a charmed life. That all.

Zombie moment

Ever been so tired you did something just completely stupid? The other day I'm getting off of work, I work nights, and go down into the subway to go home. Well, I live in NYC and to ride you need a metro card, which I have. I have an unlimited monthly, which means, quite obviously, that I can ride for a month straight as many times as I want anywhere I want that NYCMTA public transportation can take me. Now the subway have these neat little turnstiles which you need to swipe your handy little metro card through in order to gain access to ride the train. WELL, I was SO tired I quite mechanically descended the stairs into the station and proceeded to just walk through the turnstile without my metro card, which you cannot do, and if you persist can actually get arrested for. Anyways, as my waist banged against the unyielding turnstile bar for a very, very split second I wondered what the fuck was wrong with this damn machine. The very next split second I realized I did not swipe my metro card. It wasn't even in my hand. I never even attempted to extract it from my wallet, which is what I usually, mechanically, do at the bottom of the stairs. Really, really tired was I. Zombie moment. I've had quite a few of those in these three decades of mine. (I ain't old, forget you!) Any of you had a zombie moment?

What we learn from TV

My man, The Bimillennial Man, has a very interesting and poignant post up on his blog. It is actually quite similar to a piece I've been working on for quite some time now, that I just never got around to completing. His deals with "father figures" because of his life growing up. My unfinished piece deals with the examples from television and film that formed my style of friendships. I just had an idea: I'm going to stretch this into a series of posts. I figure this will be better so I can go in depth, beyond just the friendship angle, with each example without you reading forever and coming back trying to remember where you left off. So let's start!

NUMBAAAAA 1! Beverly Hills Cop



This movie is one of the single most important films in my film watching experience for my WHOLE LIFE. It is still one of my favortie films of all time, for numerous reasons. First and foremost because Eddie Murphy singlehandedly changed the way Black males acted and were perceived on the big screen. He was NOBODY'S sambo. He was NOBODY'S sidekick. In fact, for the first time in my movie watching experience the white characters, ALL OF THEM, were there to support Eddie as Axel Foley. He was genuinely the STAR of the movie! And he looked like ME! My father! My uncles! WHAT!!!! This was absolutely MINDBLOWING for a 8/9 year old Black boy, who was consciously aware of the racist history and practices of the country he lives in. And the premise of the film is what kind of solidified the sense of loyalty I hold for those I choose as friends. Axel's childhood best friend shows up out of the blue and after a night of catching up, he is knocked out and wakes up to find his friend murdered beside him. He embarks on a quest to find the man responsible and exact revenge for his friends death. AND he achieves it. He actually gets to kill the man who put a bullet in his friends head AND the man who sent that man, Victor Maitland. Now, since Axel got to kill the henchman that actually killed his friend, they couldn't let him kill Victor, the main antagonist, on his own as well. That would be just a bit TOO much progress for the white viewing audiences. So they had Lt. Bogomil, played expertly by Ronny Cox, shoot Victor WITH Axel. They STILL let Axel shoot the big white bad guy just with help, which fit the story anyway. But Eddie was, like, THE first Black action star in a real big budget hollywood film. Absolutely wonderful. See, in depth! But yeah, Axel chasing down the men that killed his friend and not stopping until he got them, despite the obstacles, and there WERE obstacles, was kind of the genesis of how I deal with my friends, the level of loyalty I give.

Like my man Dave asked in his post, what screen media has influenced who you are and in what ways?

Oh boy!

A rather important fact has been revealed to me by my body. Right now it is screaming, FEED ME!!!!!!! I have a bad habit of not really eating regularly and the near shut down of my system I feel coming on, coupled with the current knowledge that I'm about to become VERY busy, is telling me I can no longer get away with my periodic mealtimes. I must provide my meat sack with REGULAR sustenance! Oh boy! Another added element to my schedule is ALL I needed. (This is a rather important one, though. I've had a collapse due to dehydration once. THAT was an in the future experience to avoid at all costs. I've been doing a decent job so far but I kind of feel those sensations I felt when I collapsed before, now. I don't like these fucking feelings. I NEVER, NEVER, EVEREVEREVEREVEREVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT SHIT AGAIN. It's embarrasing, one, and two, it sucks to have your body not properly respond to your mental/spiritual self. Your mind is TRYING to exert control and homeostatic status and your body is saying, FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! SHOULDA TOOK BETTER CARE! WE'RE GOING TO SHUT DOWN NOW! NOTHING YOU CAN DO! STOP TRYING! BETTER LUCK IN THE FUTURE! Now naturally the mind is stubborn and keeps trying to absolutely NO avail. Your positively freezing AND sweating profusely, which makes NO sense since you're dehydrated. Wow, the human body is a complicatingly complex machine. There's paramedics, there's the gurney/body carry thingy, there's the back of the hospital truck, there's the IV of hydrating fluids [which reminds me as soon as I leave here I gotta get some gatorade or equivalent fluid], there's the ice packs, and the time waiting for the body to absorb and redistribute the rehydrating fluids. Like I said, fucking embarrasing!) Anyways, I know I went kind of on a tangent but, from the description of the experience maybe you can see why. I really, really don't need a repeat of that shit. Especially not in this damn city. I mean I love my hometown, but in NY you see fuckers passed out or strungout lookin' ALL the time, therefore people DO NOT stop to help or check. AND I understand why, but I would still be PISSED AS HELL if I was down and noone tried to help. The retarded ass human condition. We are strange creatures to each other and within ourselves. Oh well.... I need some fuckin' food!

Reality check

Well I registered for school. Once again. Hopefully for the last time. School, no matter what level, is booooooringgggg! High School was boring. My friends and a very few choice teachers made HS bearable. Most of the college level courses I've taken over the years have been along the lines of the lazy guys guide to college. Most of the classes I took were at a community college so I pretty much took what the fuck I wanted and interested me and that's it. Seemed the best way to keep myself interested. Take shit I WANT TO, RIGHT?!!!! Well, it don't work that way in a private or more "established" or "refined" learning establishment. (I realize it don't work that way at a comm. college either. at least not if you actually WANT a degree:-) SO, anyways, I find myself having to take some courses I have ABSOLUTELY KNOW INTEREST IN, WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!! However, since this happens to be a very decent school and, most importantly, my educationairy pursuits are being PAID FOR, I shall endure and prosper. I realize that even though I don't want to take these courses I still might learn something useful. All info is useful if you learn a useful way to apply it. And being that I am a writer, all info is useful in some form. My life has gone from 0-60 in like two months. I've gone from a rather hermit lifestyle to a full blown schedule having man on the move. WTF is wrong with me?!!! Job, school, Aikido, throw writing personal shit in there, not to mention reading personal shit and I'm like just a super glutton for super punishment. Ah well. I'm gonna be fuckin' BUSY and very, very, very TIRED!!!!!!