Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Eye of the Beholder

(This is going to be stream of conscious, so, no purposeful offense is meant.)

All right! Beauty. Pretty. Oooooh WEE you good lookin'! Many things make up what one finds attractive. Attraction is more than just the physical. For some that's all it is but most people realize that there is more to attraction than what the eyes see. Some people have very set criteria and do not stray from that. That may seem shallow to some, and in most cases it is, but we like what we like. I have no criteria, however, I am very aware of the attributes that I find most attractive in the opposite sex. And as an adult looking back I know where my mind picked up those attributes as most attractive. When I was damn near still a baby is when the physical attributes began to set. Before I continue, let's list them:
Tall - (well I was really small so of course all women were tall)
Slim - with long legs!
Smooth Chocolate skin -(from brown to dark chocolate)
Balanced proportions - meaning can't be all T no A or all A no T. Gotta have both in nice proportion.
Pretty Face - this one is very subjective, I know, but so is this whole post really. Look, I gotta be able to look at you in the morning. I don't need to be flinching when I see you when I first wake up. (Go' head and laugh, but you know I'm right.) With a pretty enough face I can forgo the proportion thing, too.

Real simple. The obvious example of these three attributes was the first woman I ever knew; my Mommie. She had a sister, my aunt, who used to take me everywhere with her. At that time she also embodied these attributes. Then when I went to live with my father, the woman he was with was also the perfect amalgam of those three attributes. And also one of his oldest friends who was around quite a lot in those early years. Naturally my mind assimilated this information and attributed these attributes to the girls my age as I grew.

I have not just stuck to those physical attractions as I've grown up though. I've dated and been with women who do NOT fit those attributes in any way. That's also another way that I know what I find most attractive because when I'm with someone that doesn't have one or all of them I am quite aware of it. It's not a distracting or detracting awareness, it just is. There are those who would argue that the physical ultimately doesn't matter, and about .02% of them really mean it. The rest of the people who say that are LYING to themselves. Physical attraction DOES matter! It is not the most important thing in a relationship but it does matter. With that said, for the longest time I was not attracted to any big girls whatsoever. Not physically. Just wasn't going to happen, no matter how nice she was or how well we got along. That was when I was young though. I've since grown a bit in the last couple of years. ;-) I'll be completely honest and tell you exactly who changed my mind about big girls: Jill Scott. She was so damn PRETTY! And that VOICE! That combination made me look past the size a bit and realize that not all big girls are fat girls. Jill was a big girl but she wasn't sloppy looking. She looked healthy and carried herself well. Talk about a personal revelation. So when I see a woman now that doesn't automatically fit into the slim category, I actually pay more attention to how she carries herself. Some people are just built to hold weight. Can't help genetics. However, if you know that's the hand you're dealt, deal with it. A big girl that carries her weight well, is healthy and can keep up with me is no problem. I do have a problem with a girl being fat and lazy with it. (Well I have a problem with anyone, not just girls, being fat and lazy but that's just...forget it.) That shit is just not attractive to me, period. It amazed me when I found out there's guys who find fat/obese women attractive. I know there's supposed to be someone for everyone, but that still makes know sense to me. Oh well. I know there's going to be someone who says you just don't like big girls 'cause you can't handle one. Wrong. I can and I have. On more than one occasion. but that body type is not what I find attractive. Now, I have family and friends that are big or fat or a little overweight and they know my position. They don't hold it against me. This isn't judgement, and I hope no one reads this as such. This is just a catharsis of what I like in women.

Which leads to the non-physical attributes I like, which are harder to lay out in words. Personalities are made up of so much and there's an unlimited combination so there's nothing perfect in this arena. Close for some but not perfect. I will attempt to make a list here:
Confident - can go against the grain with no problem. What other people think doesn't matter.
Aggressive - this goes with confidence but is a bit more. Not masculine just a bit more forward in action.
Feminine - Have to list this because of the previous two. I'm not into butch girls. I like tomboys that still know how to be ladies.
Unafraid to try new things
Unafraid to try ordinary things - If you can't go swimming 'cause of your damn hair, stay the fuck away from me. Silly shit like that just pisses me off. I'd understand if you JUST got it done but other than that, get away.

See, it's harder to list non-physical qualities because there are so many intricacies when it comes to personalities. But personality is more important than physical attractiveness. At least for me it is, which is why I've been able to date women who, if you were just going off of looks, I would never date. I was this way even when I was pretty young. I dated a girl in 7th grade that all my friends were all like, "WHY?!" It was simple, I liked her and she liked me. Physically, not my preferred match, but who she was was more than that and that was enough. (Funny, I just realized this was way before my Jill Scott revelation. I guess I must have regressed a little bit since my teenage years. Thanks for bringing me back Jill.) One thing I must add is that you have to like yourself. If you don't like you how in the hell do you expect someone else to like you. I mean to have a healthy relationship. That's the only way to have a truly healthy relationship. Can't think of any more right now. I may edit this later or just do a continuing post. All for now on this.

Oh yeah, one more thing: Here is an example of the physical attributes I find most appealing.(click the pic to view it larger)

(Please be careful with any comments in reference to the young woman in this picture please.)
This is Veronica. She was 5'8", 34C-26-35. And a nice smooth chocolate. Yum!

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